My options

Decision time and I am cutting it a bit too close for comfort! I started with what I felt was a solid idea, my to do lists and post it notes, yet I never even explored this? I moved on to my birdcage, and from there a small foray into using a box I had found with a broken mirror. This journey led me strangely to think about my shoes of all things, the brain really does act in mysterious ways!

So now to the job at hand… finalising my choice and considering why I have ended up here.

Option 1 : The Cage

Option 2 : The Box

Option 3 : My Shoes

A different direction!

As I was shooting my birdcage images it struck me how I change my shoes throughout the days, moving from my flip-flops when I get out of bed to my work shoes for the doctor’s surgery, to my Ugg boots for in my cold home office. Then I have the extra changes for my volunteering, walking the dogs, shopping and date night! Each pair of shoes is a part of that particular persona / role that I am conforming too at that moment. They dictate the ‘hat’ I am wearing for that task / job at hand. Then there is my bare feet (complete with disgusting chipped nail varnish and a fading tan), even these are not simply just me! I don’t even recognise them without the shoes on my feet, they are ageing, misshapen and weathered just like me!

Second shoot

The second attempt went a little better than the first. There was less wind which helped and I also decided to stick the Polaroids back to back with some others I had taken but discounted, this meant that they always ‘appeared’ to be facing front even if it wasn’t the ones I had originally wanted.

I also tried the cage out in a few other locations and I quite liked the ones taken from the window-sill indoors as it appears that the birdcage is looking out from it entrapment inside.

First Shoot – Initial Selections

After reviewing the images I was a little disappointed with the birdcage ones. There were very few in which the Polaroids were facing the right way and in some instances when they were in the right direction I had cropped the frame too close in an effort to get the sharpness on the images. Some were also too blurry either through movement of the hanging Polaroids and the wind or because I had incorrectly focused on the branch or cage rather than the Polaroids themselves.

These are what I consider to be the best of the bunch so far! If I choose to go with any of these ideas I might need to plan in a quick re-shoot.

First shoot- Self portrait contact sheet

First Shoot – Self Portrait

Today I prepared and tested out my initial self portrait ideas.

First I set up my tripod and camera in an attempt to capture some images of myself working, cleaning etc to use for my birdcage idea. After an initial test I decided against these.

I then attempted to capture Polaroids of the same ideas around, work, cooking etc. I liked these as they felt more ‘authentic’ although I was a major struggle firing the overly stiff button on my Polaroid one single-handed whilst also not being able to see through the viewfinder!

I then arranged the Polaroids to hand ‘trapped’ in the cage. My next problems with this ideas was trying to keep the Polaroids facing front. The cage was also a little too large to photograph comfortably within my light box as planned (Unless I attempt some editing / touching up). After a few images using the light box I took the cage outside, overall I was happy with this, there was an irony to taking my trapped cage outside to photograph!

I also had a separate idea to this which used an old wooden box I have found with a broken mirror, I took a mixture of these images in the light box using the mirror and cage to capture by ‘broken’ reflection. I am drawn to these images as I really can see myself as I ‘feel’ yet the caged images are more symbolic.

I have one more idea that I thought of whilst taking these initial images and I will explore this tomorrow. Again it is symbolic rather than direct but it might be an interesting take on the many ‘roles’ that define me. I also still need to explore the idea around my ‘to do’ list perhaps attaching my many post it notes I have to the cage.

 

Assignment Three – Final image planning

Having kept a diary for 2 weeks it was interesting to see how it made me reflect on myself.

I found that the biggest highlights from my diary was my constant ‘To Do ‘ lists, the amount of errands and chores demanded of me, my feeling about my weight and the feelings of being trapped.

By trapped I don’t mean in my marriage but by the complications of trying to please everyone except myself and the difficulty of working alongside my husband and the strain this puts on our relationship.

I have been thinking more about a self absented portrait, there is clearly a reason that I prefer to be behind the camera!

I have acquired a decorative bird-cage on my latest foray to the scrap store. This got me thinking about how I sometimes feel trapped/ cages as if my wings have been clipped. then I thought about my daily to do lists on post it notes, perhaps stuck on the outside of the cage hemming me in. On the inside of the cage I thought of hanging one photo of myself as if I was the bird but then I also thought back to my plans to take Polaroids as honest snapshots of myself and I thought perhaps I could take Polaroids to hang inside of the things that my diary has highlighted as being a part of me: My yo-yo diets, work, favours, lists, cooking, etc.

My plan is the spend this week keeping my to do lists and taking Polaroids then next weekend I will experiment with different ways of presenting it and taking photos of the final presentation. I might consider taking the images in my light box or hanging it outside.

Lots of ideas to work on this week, I just home my final image comes together in the way that I am picturing it.

Diary overview

Keeping a diary was a new experience for me, it felt extremely repetitive but then I realise that this is my life. My life is full of work, responsibilities, to do lists and the mundane. I can see from writing this diary that I don’t really have much personal time for myself and it was interesting to see that as the diary progressed I became more honest with myself. If I am not kept busy I have time to notice that I often feel sad and alone. My life is filled with family and people but I do mostly feel alone.

Perhaps I can consider a few of these things when I look to my assignment :

• Family relationships, the clashes between my daughter and I
• Work and how it invades my personal life
• Chores, To Do lists and the everyday mundane
• Demands and favours, my commitments
• my sadness / borderline depression

Diary

This is not really something I have ever done and I wasn’t sure how to approach it. I thought I would use a Polaroid each day and I have purchased some in readiness, however I think I will just write down my mundane days for the first week or so and see if it leads me anywhere. At least then I could focus my Polaroid on something rather than just a random one each day.

So far I am just writing what I have done for the day and what I ate (Strange but might go somewhere!) I haven’t really got to feelings yet as to be honest I have been far too busy to feel anything other than tiredness and panic that my to do list is ever-growing!

I might scribble my to do list in the diary each day as that could also present another opportunity (Hope I have room!)

Assignment 3 – Diary

I have read ahead to assignment 3 before completing the exercises and am now considering how I want to approach the diary I need to complete.

I have never actually kept a diary, I can’t say I ever found enough to put in it so this should be interesting. The last time I attempted to start a diary (This lasted around three days) I was a teenager at school. Perhaps age is now on my side and I might find this exercise therapeutic?

I recently visited the Wim Wenders exhibition at The Photographers Gallery and found his catalogue of Polaroids nostalgic. They reminded me how often my memories are entwined with snap shots of photographs in my mind. His book, I felt, told the story of the images in an almost diarist style. This has made me think about using a Polaroid a day to complete my diary. I could just use my camera (This is still an option) however I thought that the Polaroid would be good for a number of reasons:

• They are nostalgic, and give a sense of past and history, which lends itself to a diary of time passing.
• The image would be more considered as the film is expensive.
• The image could yield mixed results this also mirrors life.
• The images are ‘of the moment’, they cannot be reproduced or repeated much like any given moment in life.
• They reveal before your eyes much like the day unfolding, even the most mundane day!

I will also attempt to keep a written diary alongside this, I am imagining that this might be a mixture of what I have done during the day, everyday routines as well as my sometimes random thoughts and feelings (If I decide to divulge these?).

Not quite sure how my final piece will go, that remains to be seen once i have followed the diary process. At least it is a busy time in my life so I should have more to write about. Christmas is fast approaching and I have a new second job to somehow squeeze in to my already busy life. I will be going away shortly which could have also proved useful but im not sure there will be much room in my hand luggage for a Polaroid as i am aiming to travel light! Perhaps i will start my diary on my return when i think there will be some kind of aftermath left by my children in my absence!